Changing Directions

John had a comfortable day at Whatcom Hospice House yesterday.  Brother Ray is visiting and our dear friend (my "guardian angel" and neighbor from Bothell) Laura, who has been staying with me for a few days.
John's nephrostomy tubes -- still don't know if I'm spelling that right -- are working, although I noticed yesterday that instead of looking like "raspberry lemonade," the fluid coming out is distinctly more red.  Although I'm not a medical professional, this doesn't look like a good thing to me.  However, John's comfortable as they're able to keep his nausea and pain under better control.
John and I talked yesterday and it's his wish to stay at Hospice House rather than come home.  He told me, "I think the house is too big."  What he was saying is that if he comes home, his hospital bed and equipment would have to be in the living area (great room).  He wouldn't have any personal space, people would be coming and going, and he would feel like a piece of furniture.  It breaks my heart, but I believe that -- if we can work it out with our insurance and social worker -- Hospice House is the very best place John could be right now.  I'll be working closely with our social worker to ensure John's wishes are met.
Our 30th wedding anniversary is coming up February 6.  A few days ago when John was still in hospital, he asked his friend Rick Westover to run an errand.  When I came back to John's room from lunch, there was a bag from Haggen for me.  Inside was a package of Lindt Milk Chocolate Truffles, a little stuffed kitty and an anniversary card.  I don't think I need to say more...
As I write, it's 8:15 a.m.  Laura and I are watching the weather report -- snow is coming -- and I'm going to call Hospice House to see how John fared during the night before we leave for the day.  Friend (almost-like-a-brother) Larry is flying in today from San Diego.  Sister-in-law Linda and niece Danielle are coming, along with Laura's husband and John's #1 golfing buddy Bruce.  It's going to be a busy weekend of visitors for John, which is good for him.  Although I treasure every second I have with him, every chance I can look into his loving eyes, every time I can touch his hand...Our friends taking time for him -- for us -- are making this journey bearable.  I love you all....Nancy