Bad Day

I arrived around 11:40 a.m. this morning to find John battling some pretty extreme nausea and "stomach distress."  Unfortunately, my mom and brother had come up from Seattle and neighbors Bruce and Laura were enroute.  So I called those I could, per John's request, and asked that nobody visit today.  First time that's happened.  I think it's a combination of a busy visit day yesterday (Saturday) and the disease's progression.  I intercepted my mom and brother at the front door of Hospice House, along with some of John's wine tasting buddies from his "LMH Tasting" group, and had to turn them away.  (If you're reading this, I'm so sorry and I KNOW you understand...I gave John a hug from each of you -- yes, even you brother Rob!)
Friends Pam and Shannon came up yesterday afternoon and spent the night with me.  Something else unfortunate was that Shannon became ill (perhaps too much beer?), so they were heading home without a visit with John, too.
Weekends are good days to visit for most people.  But I've been asked to pass on that it might be best for John to limit not only the number of people in his room at one time, but the length of visiting time as well.  I feel like a real bitch, but it's becoming apparent that John is tiring more easily and the cancer is making itself known more and more each day.
Your calls, visits and support mean so much.  May I ask that you call the front desk at Hospice House before coming to see John.  (I'm not putting the phone number in this blog since it is a "public" space.  Thank goodness for "Google," right?)
And so the journey continues.  I think I can see an end which I both dread and long for.  For those of you who have lost friends or loved ones to cancer, I know you understand.  These roads are tortuous, filled with days of hope and despair.  The heartbreak of seeing someone you dearly love suffer is physically painful and emotionally emptying.  It is my hope that John will not suffer any more; that he'll find peace and calm, and know that he is loved.  I could not greet each day without you all holding my hand and your holding John in your arms....Bless you...Nancy