Anniversary

Today is our 30th Anniversary.  And a quiet day for visitors which is good and bad.  Good because the quiet after a busy weekend allows John some rest.  Bad because I find myself looking at the clock and reflecting on what John and I were doing at the same time 30 years ago.
February 6, 1982 was a gloriously sunny day...much like today but there was not a single cloud in the sky. On that day, my mom told me of an old saying, "Happy the bride the sun shines upon."  It must be true.  I have been the happiest bride for nearly all of these 30 years.  The only hard times have been this past year of cancer and, now, watching John slip away.
He's experiencing more confusion and hallucinations.  Nothing frightening though, thank goodness.  And he's sleeping almost all the time.  But as I watch John's chest rise and fall with each breath I catch myself praying, "Dear God, let this be his last one," offered both in hope and fear.  And I keep waiting for that sense of others gone before who have come to bring John the peace he so deserves.
As I recite "The Lord's Prayer" and get to the part "...Thy will be done," I continually beseech God to let my will be His.  But it doesn't seem to work that way.  I must continue to try to adopt the virtue of patience.  I must have patience with God and myself.  I must trust to God's will and to the love and friendship of those who have come with us thus far...I thank you...Nancy