Valentines

I arrived this morning to find Alan French, one of John's wine tasting buds, visiting and John quite awake.  Although John was awake and talkative, what he was talking about didn't make much sense.  As of yesterday, all of his meds are now via his "sub Q" lines (under skin) as swallowing, particularly pills, is becoming very difficult.  He is able, however, to have sips of water.  He has not had anything to eat for about 10 days.  So lack of nutrition and the cancer itself is affecting John's "reality."
Sometimes it's easy to go along with what John says; to agree with him or offer a solution to an imaginary problem.  Other times, I have to leave the room and collect myself in the little chapel room here at Hospice House.  I am 100% convinced that we made the right decision to have John come here instead of returning home.  Our house, OUR home, can remain just that:  home.  Not a hospital or nursing home.
It's been well over a month since I've been home with the kitties.  They bring me great comfort, even when Token wakes me at 4:00 a.m. with his occasional nightly prowls around the house.  I know I will be okay. I know I have friends nearby.  And I know I have you all, walking this path of life with me, caring for John.  So I start another day at Hospice House.  You are all sitting with me in my heart, loving John and praying for peace soon...Once again, I thank you...Nancy.