There's not much to report. John continues to change and his pain is increasing. As a result, his morphine has been increased and that means he's sleeping even more. He's awake very sporadically, is able to communicate on a very limited basis (yes/no answers and a faint, breathy "I love you") and that's about it.
Ray, John's brother, came up yesterday and stayed overnight. We had lunch/dinner ("linner?") this afternoon. I think it's the first time in 30 years that Ray and I have spent any time together one-on-one. It was really nice. I have empathy for him...He's lost his mom, dad and now his brother in less than five years. That's a lot for anyone. Fortunately he has a wonderful wife and extended in-law family who think think the world of Ray and will continue to be a great support for him.
I keep praying for a peaceful end to John's journey. It's time. It's PAST time. I find it hard to trust in God, or "the Powers That Be," sometimes. But trust and faith are what carry us through. That and the love of friends and family...And I am fortunate to have lots of that...Love back to you all...Nancy
Dear Nancy, I have no first-hand knowledge, but it would seem that this incredibly hard process is so that you can finally let John go. Any words sound so trite and empty when you're gutting it out by yourself. I know you and John skirted talking too much about his death, but have you told him it's okay? I've heard that often they need that permission from a loved one to finally let go. For you I pray for comfort and a peace that passes all understanding in these last days.
ReplyDeleteMuch love,
Kay Dee
p.s. Flying to CA Mon-Fri.