You Look Familiar, But...

I arrived at Hospice House a little later than usual today. Housecleaners Samantha and Beth were scheduled and I stayed home to let them in and to put the kitties in "lock-up" in the studio. When I walked into John's room he was sleeping. So I quietly put my backpack, coat and purse on the daybed...which of course woke him up. He looked at me with a quizzical look on his face, not smiling at me like he usually does. I sat on the chair next to the bed, took his hand and said hi...No reply or look of recognition. I asked, "Do you know who I am?". A slight head shake and I answered, "I'm Nancy...Your wife.". And then the light came on in his face and he knew me.
And so it finally happened. I knew this day would come and yet I had hoped John wouldn't make it this far. I feel that I'm ready for John to die. But I also know that, when the time comes, I'll want to scream, "Not yet!". I hope that when my time comes, I'll see John but not have that "you look familiar, but" experience. I would not want to break his heart.
And so we go onward, with God's help and your love...Thank you for it all...Nancy