Birthday

Today is my 56th birthday.  And, like last year's, it is an extremely difficult day.  Our 30th Anniversary is this coming Monday.  People have said to me, "You're so strong..."  Well I tell you, I'm broken.
John was in hospital on New Year's Eve.  If I had heard one more, "Happy New Year!" I would have "gone postal" right there on the third floor of St. Joe's.  Event days, like birthdays and special holidays, are impossible to ignore yet excruciatingly painful to recognize.  I did go out for lunch today with friends, Jerry and Geri Hill -- yep, they're married and share a somewhat common name...no excuse for forgetting either one's moniker -- which got me outside on a beautiful, sunny day.  But I'm afraid I was not the best company for the Hills.  Thankfully they are good people and good friends.
I don't know why good people like John have to suffer.  Nor do I know why reasonably good people like myself have to get dragged along.  All I know is if anything, ANYTHING good comes out of this hell it has to be the realization and appreciation of the goodness in people.  I truly don't know how I am getting through all of this without the loving support of friends and strangers who have come on this journey with John and I.
You've been praying for John all these long months.  I'm asking that you say one for me.  I am so very weary and I long for peace, both for myself and for John.  Your prayers mean the world...With loving thanks...Nancy